Sportsattitude

 

TV Guide recently printed a sampling of reader comments in response to the fact one of their writers had previously taken issue with the outfits Food Network star Giada DeLaurentis wears during her shows.  The question was, “Is the sexy chef too hot for TV?”

 

Never in a million years when I started watching what has now become Food Network did I think we’d come to this.  I guess I was naive sex appeal wouldn’t plate and serve itself eventually into the kitchens of the various chefs whose culinary talents are broadcast for all of us to admire…and copy as best we can.

 

Those of you who remember The Food Channel in its genesis remember people like David Rosengarden, John Ash, Curtis Aikens, the Two Hot Tamales…and yes, Emeril Lagasse.  The shows were all in studio with no audiences to speak of, focused on not just relaying great recipes but also teaching us about the various components of the dishes as well.  We learned how to cook.  We learned about what we were cooking.  Life was simple.

 

Now, Food Network is all about flash.  It started with Emeril.  He morphed from a simple down-home Chef into an entertainer – a performer – before a live audience.  At that point, it became less about the food and more about the Chef.  In my opinion, they’re all trying to achieve some type of culinary world domination and occupy our lives and dreams alike 24/7.

 

Whether you are a “Foodie” who watches the network day and night…or a novice who is just now acquiring a taste for it…here’s my rankings on the top Chefs currently featured in their prime-time line-up:

 

Rachael Ray – Courtesy of Oprah Winfrey, we have the one person who actually has eclipsed Emeril Lagasse in Chef star wattage…while managing to not even being a Chef.  Admittedly having never learned the fine art of cooking, Rachael nonetheless has gone from working at Howard Johnson’s to her own daytime talk show…after first stuffing us with four types of “cooking” shows, having her either in a studio, on the road trying to live on the cheap, traveling the world or chatting up Hollywood’s finest.  Famous for deep, thoughtful phrases such as “Yum-O”, Rachael is as aggressive as President Bush in achieving world domination.  A Rachael show is within easy reach night or day.  Her latest conquest is Dunkin’ Donuts commercials.  If you haven’t seen one yet, wait a minute or two.  Her current mission is to shove an Iced Coffee into each man, woman and child on Earth.  She’s a clear #1.

 

Emeril Lagasse – Emeril has both a live audience and a studio cooking show airing these days.  He actually was the first Food Network Chef to hit “mainstream television” before Rachael, but his NBC sitcom – cleverly named “Emeril” – hit the garbage disposal shortly after it came out of the oven.  This setback allowed for Rachael to pass him quickly as the premier Chef on the Food Network, as well as on that road to achieving world domination.  He is wildly popular across the globe except in Louisiana, where some of the locals think he failed them in helping to revitalize New Orleans after Katrina.  Between this PR debacle and his sitcom, he sits a clear #2 to Rachael.  “BAM!”

 

Giada DeLaurentis – Ahhhhh yes…many viewers (mostly men) say there are two big reasons to watch her shows.  Yes, another Chef with more than one show airing on Food Network – one thing they don’t believe in is over-exposure.  Speaking of over-exposure, there are those who feel Giada needs to not just cover up the pans on her stove, but…well…let’s just say when Giada needs to bend down closer to her handiwork the cameraman has some hardcore decisions to make.  Trading in on her family’s Hollywood lineage (you have heard of the name DeLaurentis, yes?), Giada is trying to use all her…assets…to hurdle herself over Emeril and aim straight for Rachael.  Not settling for a studio show, she has started to make eerily similar shows to Rachael in an attempt to topple the “Queen Chef.”  However, she does not have “The Big O” (Oprah!) behind her, so she’s likely to have to go the porn route to become #1.

 

Paula Deen – Starting out cooking for a living just in order to save her family from becoming homeless, this grandmotherly (on the surface, at least) Southern belle has quickly worked her way into the upper echelon of television Chefs.  While she recently began a second show of her own on Food Network, she also managed to get her two sons a show of their own.  As well, her new husband and those hanger-on sons seem to wind up on all of her shows as well.  Serving a super-sized portion of “family” down our throats, Paula is taking a different road towards world domination.  You can find her trying to be a dash of bubbly and a pinch of racy all at once…at least as racy as a woman her age can act without sending you straight to the commode.  Some of the inferences on her shows can make you squirm.  Now that I think of it, as much butter as she uses, you’ll likely be on the commode anyway.  Yet, she’s rising faster than yeast on the countertop so I’ll place her at #4.

 

Bobby Flay - Sporting a New Yorker look and attitude, Bobby runs a close second to Emeril at this point among the men.  A seasoned veteran of several years on Food Network, Bobby has served up multiple types of shows as well.  His latest venture is called “Throwdown,” where he allegedly shows up unannounced to challenge lesser-known cooks to make their specialty dish better than he can.  Apparently, it was not enough for Bobby to be made an American “Iron Chef” – a cooking competition show that helped to put Food Network on the map several years back when it was but a Japanese import that resembled a Godzilla flick gone bad, complete with subtitles.  Of course, Food Network decided it would be a great idea to rip that idea off and “Americanize” the concept.  As with most things Americans get their hands on, they screwed it up.  Now, many nights we are subjected to people trying to “outcook” each other on all types of made-for-TV “challenges.”  When did we start having to cook better than strangers instead of concentrating on cooking better for our loved ones?   But I do digress…Bobby gets points for longevity and, should Emeril be injured during a live broadcast, he would at least be #1 among the male Chefs.  Make no mistake, Bobby is very much into world domination.  He’s just trying to look cool and wear the other Chefs down over time.  Even with his experience he sits at #5 – his latest show challenging someone to a food fight is beneath him.

 

Alton Brown – My personal favorite of all the prime-time Chefs.  His long-running show “Good Eats” strikes a healthy balance between not just performing the dishes but teaching the dishes.  You can learn more in a half-hour from Alton than in an entire season of Paula’s shows.  He picks a theme, a type of food or a way of cooking…and then carves heartily into the subject matter, making several dishes while educating us along the way.   Having done this for several years now, one problem that has developed is he’s starting to run out of food topics to break down for our entertainment…and knowledge.  When you see a show on “Air,” you’ll know he’s tapped out (he already did the “Water” show!!!).  He also made a couple of other questionable decisions during his apparent attempt for world domination…he became the host of the afore-mentioned hideous American “Iron Chef” remake…and then tried to do an “on the road” special and almost killed himself on his motorcycle (while the cameras kept rolling – remember, it’s as much about performing now!).  He sits at #6 and needs to quickly re-invent himself in a new type of show to stay in contention.